What To Say???

I’m sort of having one of those weeks where I have plenty to say, but I really don’t want to share much. So I will share what I can and go from there. I’m sure some of you are wondering about how I’m dealing with the situation of forgiving the person who I felt hurt by. I will say that I’m moving through it. Some days are easier than others, but for the most part, I’m CHOOSING not to trip off the person too much. Why? Well, I keep reminding myself that I have way too much I need and want to accomplish in life and I don’t want to knowingly allow hurt and bitterness to slow my journey of accomplishing those tasks. I have to humble myself when I think about how the children of Israel could have reached in the promised land in about 11 days, but it took them 40 years instead (see Numbers 14:33-34). I’m sorry, but for me 40 years would be too long for me to wait and accomplish some of my goals, because of arrogance and stubbornness on my part. I will say for me personally, one of my strong points has always been to find humor in various situations. Since I still have to interact with this person on a frequent basis, I find ways to laugh about some of the interactions. Mostly, I laugh at myself and how I really set myself up for trouble for having the wrong expectations in the first place. In my opinion and the various situations I’ve been in laughter has been one of the best medicines for me. So that’s where I am with that.

Last night, I went to church and I would love to say I heard a great Word, but to be honest with you, I didn’t. Because the speaker had a strong accent, it was very difficult for me with my hearing loss to understand what was being said and quite frankly I was a bit frustrated with myself by the whole thing. BUT, thankfully my mom and sister taking notes for me and I was able to pick up a CD afterwards. I listened to it earlier today and was able pause, rewind, etc. the whole sermon when needed and take down notes here and there on what I’d miss. I have to say that although last night was frustrating I was glad I went and was able to get the CD. One very poignant statement the speaker, Mark Ramsey made was, “Faith comes by hearing, hearing the Word of God. Let me put that in good content for you. Faith doesn’t come because you listen to a message, faith doesn’t come because you read the Bible, faith doesn’t come when you hear the Word of God in general. Faith comes when you hear the words (voice) of God. In other words, what is God saying to you when you read the Bible? That’s what gives you faith.” After hearing that I really don’t know if there is another way you can break down how faith should play out in our everyday life than the way it was just explained. So my question to you and myself, is what has God been speaking to you lately as you’ve been reading his Word? Another great thing he said was, “You don’t get what you want in life, you get what you BELIEVE”. Last but not least, “Faith isn’t what you think you know, faith is what you know when you don’t think—it’s in the heart, not the head.”
After hearing the latter statement, I quickly asked myself what I truly had faith in as various things where popping in my head, the only area I knew that the faith thing was an issue for me is whether I will marry or not. As I’m typing this, I’m really having a hard time putting these words on the screen, because it puts me in a place of vulnerability, which is not a place that I’m exactly comfortable with. Honestly, if I had my way wouldn’t share it. But, I know there are others out there who have this same struggle. You are able to truly and wholeheartedly believe God for everything in your life EXCEPT that one small piece. The only thing is, it isn’t as small as we like to make it seem at times. For some it may be that they know they are supposed to become parents, or that their family members should be saved, or that they should receive a physical manifestation of their healing, or that they family should be restored, or that they will have a financial breakthrough, or that their ministry should begin, or whatever promises and dreams God has placed on their hearts. There are things I KNOW are without a doubt supposed to come to past in my life. I know I’m supposed to have a private practice, I know I’m supposed to adopt and be a mom, I know I’m supposed to work in some capacity in the ministry, I know I’m supposed to write, I know I’m supposed to let my life be a testimony in and of itself. I KNOW these things, but I still struggle with if I will get married or not. A few years ago, I wrote a list of the characteristics I believe I should have out of my future husband. When I made the list, I made it in mind knowing where God wants me to ultimately end up in life. As time went on, the more I looked at the list, the more I began to wonder if there was anyway, a person could ever come into fruition with the words I put on the paper. Now, the characteristics I wrote down some may say I’m expecting a perfect man, but I know in my hearts of hearts that that isn’t the case. I am however expecting a man who is perfect for me and whose life and lifestyle exemplifies that of a godly man. Some would also say that if I know I will be a mother then, I should know I’m will be a wife. Some might disagree with me, but I am open to being a single mother if that is the case. I do believe that in a perfect world a child should have two parents, a mother and a father. But as we all know that isn’t always the case. I’m not willing to resort to sinning and having sex outside of marriage to become a mother, but I am willing to be a single parent of a child who needs a home, love, and guidance from a parent. Since adoption is something that has been near and dear to my heart for a long time now, it’s something that I see in my future single or married. Because I’m such a analyzer (it’s what makes me good at my job-smile), I do believe the things I have put on my list are the things that not only I should want, but any godly woman should want out of her mate. For me the seed of doubt comes into play when I remember that everyone of us has free will. We all make choices everyday that determine our destiny. God has a perfect will and plan for our lives, but if we aren’t obedient to it, then that will obviously affect our destiny, as well as the others that are in our lives right now and those who are supposed to be in our lives at a later time. So because of that, God could very well have planned for a particular whoever to come into my life, but because of their possible choices of choosing not to obey Him, that could have an impact on my future as well. As I’m typing this, I’m reminded of the scripture that, “God is able to do exceedingly, abudantly above all you could ask or hope for.” – Ephesians 3:20. (Hmmm…teachable moment right there. That’s why it’s good to study the scripture for yourself and know the Word, so at times you can minister to your own selves. Thanks to technology and online Bible reference tools you don’t have to know where every single scripture is, but just know the scriptures enough to be able to look it up and read it in its entirety, because out of the abundance of the heart, so the mouth speaks- Luke 6:45)
Now, I didn’t write the above to feed you a seed of doubt, despair, or hopelessness. That is the last thing I am trying to do here. I did it to be open, honest, and transparent about where I am now. Our relationship with Jesus Christ is a journey with no final destination until we reach Heaven. Where I am now (spiritually, mentally, and emotionally) will not be where I am 3,6,12 months from now. That same principle should apply to you all as well. I choose to believe that whatever the outcome of my future marriage status is, that I will be able to look back at this period of my life and see that regardless, “The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord” – Lamentations 3:25-26

Until next time…

Oh Time, Where Art Thou?

Hey all!

Hope everyone has been doing well this past week. All I can say is I wish time would slow down a bit! I have been productive with my time lately, I just haven’t made a habit yet of the two things that are important and will remain important for the rest of my life. Find a way to exercise CONSISTENTLY (5-6 times a week) and set aside quite time or as I like to call it “dates” with God.:) Back to the drawing board to figure out my time budget. Yes, I said time budget--it's important to budget my time, because unlike money (yes, I also know I need to be a good steward with the money God has entrusted with me as well), I will never get it back. Well, as perfect timing would have it I was looking through my old journal and came across an entry that I needed to see and post somewhere I would see readily. I would love to take credit and say I came up with this list, but I didn’t and unfortunately I don’t know who did. Anyways, here it goes.

7 Steps for Re-Creating Your Circumstance:

1. Refuse to tolerate what you know isn’t from God in your life.
2.Repent of any sin that has contributed to your circumstances.
3. Reject the fatigue, stress, or fear preventing you from making needed changes.
4.Record your specific goals for what needs to change in your life and how, with God’s help and power, you are going to change them.
5. Rely on Him to replace old negative habits, with new positive ones.
6. Request God’s mercy, strength, and courage to obey as you humble yourself before Him.
7. Reap His harvests as you so seeds of your time, talent, and treasure into His Kingdom.

I hope someone else is able to find this useful and beneficial as you move forward in whatever season God has called you at this point.

Until next time...

Sometimes Silence Truly is Golden

Well, as you can see I didn’t write a blog last week. No, I wasn’t being lazy or forgot. I just felt led to be quiet for a week in blog sphere. Although, I had plenty to talk about, sometimes the best one can do is be quiet and still, by doing so you will be amazed by some of the things that God brings to your attention---some forgotten, some avoided, some new ideas, or some right in front of your face the entire time, but for whatever reason you were blinded. Anyways, since I’ve been “decluttering” my life in the recent weeks, I’ve been able to focus on the things that God has placed on my heart. It was so interesting, because the other night while at work pushing the chairs in, I asked myself, “Do I really want to do this thing? I’m finally at a place where I am comfortable and content in life, for the most part love my life and by doing such and such is adding more responsibility, uncertainty, change, and causing me to have to discipline myself even more.” I even mentioned to myself that with my schedule change, it would affect me walking my dog on a consistent schedule that he and I have gotten used to. Then it dawned on me that life is not about comfort, in fact it’s been said, when things become too comfortable that means something is wrong. You are no longer growing, but becoming and remaining stagnant. I’m not sure about you readers out there, but as a human being and more importantly a Christian, that is the last thing I want to do. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that by preparing myself for this next phase in my life, I will ultimately be preparing myself to serve in the ministry (leadership role) somewhere down the road. So I’ve been doing some research and taking baby steps in the direction I am now headed. So that’s what I’ve been up to.

Now let me tell you what I’ve been reading! It’s a book on fasting, “Fasting for Spiritual Breakthrough” by Elmer L. Towns. I’m only on chapter four and I have to say I really like the book. It talks about the various types of fasts and their significance. I still would recommend the other book on fasting that I mentioned a few years back, but just like we read more than one book on every other topic in the Bible, why should fasting be any different? As always, I think you all should read the book, but I will type out some quotes I have come across so far while reading:

“When you take control of your physical appetite, you develop strength to take control of your emotional appetite”
“When Satan control our thoughts, he controls our lives. When he lies to us about our lives, we are in bondage”
“Faith is recognizing God’s strategy and submitting to it”
“You never gain an outward victory over sin until you take inner responsibility for your actions. You cannot journey without until you have journeyed within. Just as the rings of a tree tell us it grows from the inner to the outer, so Christians must develop inner character before they can deal with the outer problems. The roots must grow before there is fruit”
“Emotional eyes are blinded with tears. Fearful eyes are blinded with terror.”
“The problem you long to free from, however, may actually be the circumstance that allows you to become what you long to be”


Profound and on point, wouldn’t you say? Go buy the book,it’s certainly worth having in your library!

Until next time....

“Trust in the LORD, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.” Psalm 37:3-5 (NKJV)

Have I Got a Book for You!

I just finished a great book titled, “The Gospel of Ruth: Loving God Enough to Break the Rules” by Carolyn Custis James. I loved the book, because it allowed me to see the Book of Ruth for more than I and a lot of people in the past have given it credit for. Most of us, especially women love the book, because we see the romance of Ruth and Boaz and then Ruth's life being “made complete” after becoming a mother to Obed. I refuse to talk too much about the book, because I think that it needs to be read. However, I will say out of everything I got out of the book, one is that it reminded me once more I am supposed to be be God’s image bearer and in doing so, it means that I will have to go against the grain of my logic, my experience, and the viewpoint of society as a whole. Looking back the choices I have made thus far have been “unique” in some ways compared to that of my peers, but I have to admit, I have always been quiet and reserved about some of my convictions and beliefs of what God has called for me to do. So, for those out there who want to know what else you can get out of the Book of Ruth that wasn’t taught in Sunday Schools, learn about being God’s image bearer, learning what the word “hesed” means, learning if women are meant to play a huge and pivotal role in God’s kingdom with or without a husband,and whatever else God wants you to see and learn while reading this, this is the book to get.

Do I Really Have To?

Wow, the first week of August is actually here. The time seems to fly by so quickly, more than half of 2010 has passed and I’m left to reflect that some of the goals that I had my heart set on accomplishing this year haven’t been reached yet.:/ I could look back with disgust and disappointment by that fact, but I choose not to. I see that 2010, so far has not went the way I planned, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t learned a lot during this time. Although, I have to say that if I had used my God-given discernment in a few areas of my life, it would have prevented experience from being my teacher (words said by my favorite blogger--Shellie Warren). The sermon this past weekend at my church was definitely one I needed to hear. It dealt with moving forward in life and not becoming stuck in our mess and clutter that one way or another we have found ourselves in. During the sermon, I was thinking about all the “clutter”----emotionally, mentally, physically, etc, I have in my life at this point and how it is even starting to get on my nerves dealing with. One being Facebook---for me, it’s one of those things I love, but equally hate. I love keeping up with old friends, new friends, acquaintances, etc. and seeing what everyone is up to in their everyday life. On the same token, I hate how much time, energy, and attention it literally sucks out of my day looking at the site on my computer and phone. So last week I decided to take a Facebook sabbatical. Curiosity, does tug me every so often, and I’m tempted to “visit”, but I have to admit I feel liberated knowing that my time and attention isn’t consumed by Status Updates.

Earlier today, I decided there were some other things in my life I needed to get rid of, if even for a short time. By doing this, I am able to focus on the things that really need to be focused on --I am really good at avoiding things when I want. For a few weeks now, Holy Spirit has been telling me to do something that quite frankly, I don’t want to do. To be honest with you, the thing I should be doing is the Christian and godly thing to do, but pride has such a way of making one feel self-righteous, especially when we feel we have been wronged in one way or another by someone. Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” I’m honestly not trying to get to that place, so humbleness I will do. Even after being reminded of that scripture it doesn’t make me happy to give up my feeling of superiority, but then I’m reminded of the scripture, “ Does the Lord really want sacrifices and offerings? No! He doesn’t want your sacrifices. He wants you to obey him.” - I Samuel 15:22 (Contemporary English Version) Again, doesn’t make what I have to do any easier on my part, but certainly makes it very clear. I already know when I done with this process, at the end, my heart will be as “silver is refined” (Zechariah 13:9) and a tad closer to resembling that of my Father.:)

So as I venture out my journey of being submitted to what God has called me to do at this point, I encourage everyone to do the same. Please don’t leave me hanging! (smile) My pastor made a statement this past weekend during his sermon, that sums it all up,“Pride is about clinging (to whatever you are not wanting to let go of), not releasing. We must bow our knees so we can be in the position to learn, because we become humble when we bow.”-Jim Stern

Until next time...

I'M BACK!!!

I’m back!

Didn’t mean to be gone so long in the first place. Actually, didn’t mean to be gone at all, but from here on out, I will strive to do better. More on why later. Anyways, I’m sure some of you are wondering where I’ve been. I had to ask myself that as well. Here it goes, I spent the month of January working, working out, spending time with Levi, family and friends, and anticipating what the year of 2010 would bring. Then in February, unbeknown-st to me, it brought a romantic relationship. Yep, I finally get to the point of being content being single and nowhere near getting and being married anytime soon and BAM! RELATIONSHIP! The relationship started off nice and wonderful, but at the end of the day, it just wasn’t meant to be. The break up happened relatively recently and I’m doing better mentally and emotionally than I did the first time I survived a break up. I wish I could credit it as being breaking up gets easier the more it happens, but I’m not convinced of that. I am convinced it’s easier to let go when fundamental standards and values were not compromised along the way. That’s not to say I reflect back, on the relationship and think everything was perfect, but I can look back with no regrets. Anyways, enough about the relationship for now.

Anyways, after the relationship, I had time to think with a clear head and begin to wonder, “What now?” Instantaneously, the answer was “Blog”. Not sure about the rest of you out there, but when I ask a question and get an answer out of the blue like that, from previous experiences, it was usually Holy Spirit speaking to me. Now, you all know that blogging isn’t a new thing for me, but being consistent and disciplined about it would be. So this time around if there are those out there who are keeping up with me (plan to blog at least once a week) and you start to see that I’m not typing on a weekly basis, I give you permission to hold me accountable. Okay??? Okay!!! Some are probably wondering why I’m making a big deal about this whole blogging thing. Well, I’m gonna tell you. To be honest with you, I believe at this point of my life it is one of the things I’m a called to do. I’m not sure if I wanted to say it’s my ministry, but I intend to treat it as such. Since, I was a kid I loved to write. Even thought about majoring in English in college. But me being the planner I was, was concerned that an English degree wouldn’t provide me with a consistent paycheck. Besides, I love helping people and watching them mature mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. What better profession outside working in the church to get involved in than social work? (Smile) Fast forward to more recent years, busy schedule, shift in priorities, distractions, lack of self-motivation and self-discipline has led me to blog on an very inconsistent basis. Although at times I’ve had PLENTY to blog about---not just the weekly happenings of my life, but also what Holy Spirit was/is speaking to me and at times wanted to speak through me. I know I have spent plenty of time procrastinating and avoiding going forth in ministry (small steps---Matthew 25:23) because of fear, laziness, discouragement, and so many other gamuts of emotions and thoughts that run through our human minds. I’m ready to see what the journey of being faithful, consistent, and obedient leads me. As I do this, I expect my readers to do the same.

Until next time....