The Relationship Isn't For You!

Hey everyone!

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving holiday and were able to be surrounded by those you love and enjoy to spend time with. Mine was a good one. A few days leading up to Thanksgiving, I was sick and had it took a few days to gain my strength and energy back. During the week of Thanksgiving, surprisingly to some, including myself, I kept saying that I’m SO THANKFUL that I’m not in the relationship I was in earlier this year. I honestly look back at that 5 months period and have to shake my head and say to myself, “Really, Tia, really?” It is what it is and it was a learning experience. But I’m so happy I was to be able to spend this Thanksgiving being thankful for not only the things I do have, but the things I don’t have in my life. I used to be baffled and a bit annoyed when people would tell me that it is better to be single and happy than in a relationship and unhappy. I could never really understand in my finite thinking how being in a relationship a person could be unhappy, but after this year, I’m able to say “Oh, now I GET it.” Right after the relationship ended, I wanted to immediately blog all the things I had learned from the relationship, but decided not to because the emotions were too raw and I would be typing out of hurt, anger, and frustration. Now, I’m typing out of reflection, a heart to help others who might be in the same boat I was a few months ago, or desire to have a relationship at this point ( I know the holidays don’t help a lot of those thoughts and feelings) and needed to be reminded why to wait for good and healthy relationship. So below are some of the things I learned while in that relationship and afterwards.

1. If you know you are emotionally and mentally stable and you feel like the guy isn’t into you, more than likely, he isn’t into you. Let me put it this way, if you feel like you are an inconvenience to him and the relationship isn’t for you.
2. Again, if you are emotionally and mentally stable, but every time you end a conversation with the guy, you are more lost and confused about the issue at hand than before the conversation the relationship isn’t for you.
3. If you have people in your life you know truly care about you and they constantly ask you why you are still in the relationship, then again, the relationship isn’t for you.
4. If you feel and know that if you were to be completely yourself (tell him your beliefs, dreams, convictions, etc.) with the guy, that the relationship would not work out, then the relationship isn’t for you.
5. If at the beginning of the relationship, you have questions about whether the two of you are spiritually compatible (have the same religious foundations/principles) and he isn’t trying or able to convince you otherwise, then the relationship isn’t for you.
6. If the guy isn’t willing to fight with and for you, then the relationship isn’t for you. An example would be when you express your concerns about whether the relationship he has with you will make it, and his response is “There are plenty of fish in the sea”---that is not a guy you want.
7. If things aren’t “great” and easy to resolve during the beginning and honeymoon stages of the relationship, then they won’t be any easier as time moves on, the relationship isn’t for you.
8. If you would have to compromise items that should be on your non-negotiable list i.e. a godly man who exemplifies the characteristics of Christ, wants to have kids and/or adopt, is a giver, etc., then the relationship isn’t for you.
9. If he says one thing, but does another and you call him out on it and either gets almost indignant with you or actually causes you to question your sanity, then the relationship isn’t for you.
10. If he starts off telling you the plans he has for you and the future and then midway those plans change without notice and you call him out on it and he isn’t able to give you a clear answer, then the relationship isn’t for you.
11. If he doesn’t make an effort to be around your close friends and family, then the relationship isn’t for you.
12. If you tell him what things make you happy and content and he doesn’t listen and follow through, then the relationship isn’t for you.
13. If he expects you to put more into the relationship than he’s put into it himself, then the relationship isn’t for you.
14. If you spend more time in your relationship, crying, with a headache, and frustrated, then the relationship isn’t for you.
15. If you haven’t been in the relationship for that long (I was in mine for 5 months) and every month, he tells you he’s surprised that the relationship lasted this long, then RUN. Know that the relationship isn’t for you.
16. If you see signs that look like he’s trying to break up with you, more than likely he is and the relationship isn’t for you.
17. If he seems secretive and resents you asking him “too many questions”, then the relationship isn’t for you.
18. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, listen to what they say, even before you two become a couple, even the little things. The guy I dated told me before we dated he wanted to get a dog, after knowing him for years, I foolishly believed him and after we were dating I asked him about the dog and he stated that he didn’t want a dog and he was “just talking” when he told me he wanted a dog. A dog is a small thing to lie about, but if lies are told about small things, then one has to question the integrity and character of the other. Again, the relationship isn’t for you.
19. If he is willing to sacrifice you before himself, then the relationship isn’t for you.
20. If he doesn’t feel like he’s able to have a “safe place” with you and you feel the same about him,then the relationship isn’t for you.

So, those are my tidbits of wisdom. I could have made the list longer, and trust me it is, but these are the universal signs that no matter what you want out of your individual relationship the things one should be looking out for. For those relationship, I beg you to please pray to God, that he reveal to you if this is the person you should be with at this period of your life, and for those who desire a relationship, I beg you to pray and ask God what it is that He would have you to do at this point of your life until that person does come along. Also, in a relationship right now or not, spend this time writing a list from your heart’s desire of what you know you want and need out of a future mate—should mostly be your non-negotiables. So when you in a relationship you can refer to the list and see if that person is measuring up to that list or not. If they aren’t, there should be a tug of war going on internally as to whether or not you should stay or leave the relationship. Write down your vision and make it plain (see Habbukak 2:2-4). When visions are written down, you are held accountable for seeing them through and it helps keep you focused—there have been plenty of studies done to confirm this. Whichever decision you make will have to be one you’ll have to live with. But if you chose to leave or let the relationship go, then you will know at the end it REALLY was for your best and you will be better off. Who knows maybe thankful that the relationship no longer exists like I was. :)

I leave you with this scripture to meditate on, “Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but happy is he who keeps the law.” – Proverbs 29:18.

Until next time…

Ahhh....Now I Get It!

You remember a few weeks ago I left the Desert Song video for you guys. Apparently, it was for me as well. Opps! Such as life is, as soon as I became licensed at the end of October, my somewhat quiet and predictable days came to a halt. There seems to be drama all over now, especially work related, which is starting to affect me in my personal life. Of course, I’m at the point of wondering if this is the best time to start a private practice and right now in complete exhaustion I do not think it is. It is never a good thing to do anything when exhausted, because it isn’t done right and because you can’t think with clarity and proper reason at times of tiredness. I honestly wish I could take a sabbatical for a few weeks (already counting down the days until Christmas break) and catch my breathe and rejuvenate, but I can’t so gotta keep rolling with the punches for now.

“The steps of the good man are ordered by the Lord. And He delights in his way”- Psalm 37:23

Until next time…

FINALLY!

Okey dokey….last month I told you all that I would have more to mention very soon. Well, here it is. I am now able to sign my work documents with my name and the letters of, MSW, ACSW, LCSW! After four years in the making that whole licensure process is over with. It is my hope and dream to be able to open up a private practice in the upcoming months and work with hearing, Deaf, hard of hearing, Christians, non-Christians, and older and younger adults. This has been a dream of mine since 2000 when I decided to become a social worker in the first place. I have been trying to get preliminary stuff completed first (there are a lot of details involved in trying to begin a business) as well as juggle my already busy schedule. So I’ll definitely try to keep everyone posted on how that project is coming along. :)

Until next time...

That's My King!

Hi Everyone!

Can't believe we are upon the last day of October. I plan to post more very soon. But thought with this entry I should post a YouTube reminder of who the God I worship is. I think just like anything other relationship, we get to the point of forgetting or taking for granted someone's attributes and until we are reminded somehow, don't really consider it. So enjoy!:)

RESULTS FROM THE CATARACT SURGERY

Hope everyone has been doing well and staying focused. I know it’s been a few weeks since I last posted on there. It truly never ceases to amaze me how quickly the days, weeks, months, and years pass. It was my intention to post before now, but I was busy dealing with having a cataract surgery along with other stuff, that I promise to share in an upcoming post. I guess I should clarify. My physical eyes have perfect vision, but my spiritual eyes are the ones that went through the ordeal. If you remember from my Can You See entry, I talked about allowing the Holy Spirit to show you things that that you were blinded to or couldn’t see. Well, I asked the same thing, and that is what I got. I’m not able to go into full details because other people are involved in this as well. I can tell you that if and when the Holy Spirit shows you something, especially if it’s about someone other than yourself then you should be praying, fasting, and standing in the gap for that person. Not condemning, hating, and ready to send them to exile. To be honest with you, I knew this situation existed, but I tried to ignore, downplay, deny, and push the issue so deep in my psyche hoping that go away and never return. Well, when you ask to be shown something, sometimes you have no clue what will come. For me, it was the last thing I wanted to deal with right now. For one, I have my own stuff I’m trying to deal with and trying to figure out. To think that I have to think about encouraging and holding someone else up at this point is not what I had in mind when I asked the Holy Spirit to open my eyes. But as some of us know, God ways are not our ways. It’s times like these that I remember the scripture, “obedience is greater than sacrifice”. It’s not a fun process, but it is a humbling when because then you remember that you are not your own and you were bought with a price. When you remember that, then you realize that your body, mind, heart, spirit, time, money, and everything else should belong to Jesus Christ. I’m not saying all this will happen instantaneously because I don’t think this perfection will ever be achieved while living in this imperfect world that continues to find ways to distract us and get us off course. I do believe that one can live a sanctified life and be set apart from the rest of the world. They can allow their lifestyle, mindset,and heart be different than mainstream culture. They can let their uniqueness be something that makes them shine with confidence and boldness knowing where the Source of their brightness and conviction comes from.

The other reason I didn't want to deal with this issue is because it places me in an awkward situation of being relatively close to the situation. I don’t like that, I like comfort, ease, and happy go lucky times. Right now, that is not the case for me. But then who said it was supposed to be?

Well, I leave you with with a video from Hillsong- Desert Song. I will be honest with you, with everything that I have typed, I don't "feel" like I'm in the desert at this point. I do feel like I am walking in unfamiliar terriority and wishing I knew what the results of everthing will be. Anyways, this is an encouragement to those who are walking in the desert, an anthem for those who just left the desert, and for the rest of us who just need to be reminded every so often, that:

In every season
You are still God,
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship



Until next time...

Link to a Profound Blog Entry

Hi all,

Plan to blog myself in the next few days. Anyways, I came across this blog and just wanted to share it with others. Adoption is certainly not for the faint hearted, but it is surely a calling that shouldn't be ignored. Anyways, read and enjoy!:)

Until next time...

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/2010/08/teenagers-and-lesson-from-jacob.html

Can You See?

Took me awhile this time, but I finished the book, Fasting for Spiritual Breakthough by Elmer Towns last week. Again, the book is a must-read! Towards the end of the book, the author mentioned spiritual blindness, while explaining the Esther fast. He said, “Satan’s first strategy is to blind your mind from understanding spiritual things.” As I say the following, I am in no shape, form, or fashion saying that I am perfect and have no blame. If I were to say such, it would be in your best interest to not read another one of my blogs, because then I would truly be deceived. Anyways, I was brought up in the church and became a Christian (made a conscious decision to make Jesus Lord and Savior of my life) during my teens years. Since then, I have been able to see how other Christians have been blinded and couldn’t see various truths or lies right in front of them and I could. I would become so frustrated and couldn’t understand why they couldn’t see that their actions were detrimental, that they were lying to themselves about the gravity of their actions (which in my opinion is worse than lying to others, because if you deceive yourself, it only makes it that much harder for you to know the truth), that they were playing Russian roulette, and allowing sin to take them farther than what they wanted to go, stay longer than they intended to stay, and cost more than they wanted to pay. “Satan blinds the unsaved from seeing the gospel so they won’t become saved. He blinds believers from knowing and doing God’s will for their lives. (2 Cor. 4:4) Even ministers can become spiritually blind, denying fundamentals of the faith. Paul warned against ‘False apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no wonder! Satan himself transform himself into an angel of light. Therefore, it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness” (2 Cor. 11:13-15).

As I get older and more watchful, I have come to notice that this is the time of year (which I personally attribute it to being because of the Jewish New Year and God wanting things of the old to cease), when there always seems to be a shaking in the body of Christ and something that was in the dark comes to light, especially in mainstream Christian media/ministry. My advice for you is to brace yourself and remember that one, people are fallible and can make mistakes. My former pastor used to say, “Some people are sincere, but sincerely wrong”. This is something that can and does happen to everyone at one point or another in their lives. Two, we are living in a time where people are becoming lovers of themselves and because of that, they throw inhibition to the wind and choose not to consider the consequences even if they have a large following. Just because others are making unwise choices and may be falling to the wayside because of it, shouldn’t cause you to become offended with Jesus Christ or the Christian faith. God is not man that He should lie(or deceive). You can't allow other people's trippings and blindness of God, cause you to stumble and to detour from God's destiny for your life.

So this is my assignment for you all and myself:

1. Examine your own hearts (through prayer and fasting) and ask Jesus to show you something that you are blinded from and He wants you to see

2. Put on the Christian Armor (Ephesians 6:11)
*For the hips-Truth
*For the chest-Righteousness
*For the feet-Preparation of the Gospel
*For defense- The Shield of Faith
*For the head- The Helmet of Salvation
*For a sword- The Word of God

3. Pray for spiritual protection (as should be done on a daily basis- Psalm 34:7; 91:11)

4. Pray (and fast if called) for others who you know personally and otherwise, that their spiritual eyes be opened and enlightened to the truth of God’s Word(Ephesians 1:18)

Until next time...